blahs

There is one thing in my life that always seems to be a constant.  The case of the "blahs" as my mom would've called it.  Maybe its because I'm not living up to my full potential.  I'm just skating by in life.  Living as if nothing really matters.  Afraid to care too much because everything is a big disappointment.  This week has been particularly stressful.  Crazy stuff has been happening at work and now I have to find a new place to live in a couple of months.  I don't enjoy being around people anymore.  Groups of people mostly.  I just want my own space where I can fix dinner in peace and know that the dishes will be where they should be.  That I'll have somewhere to put my groceries.  It would be nice to be able to sleep without people walking above my head.  In a way the anxiety of it all is crippling and it makes me feel like not doing anything at all.  I hide in my basement hole and don't come out until I have to.  Not dealing with it is dealing with it.  Your problems won't go away they just intensify.  Being proactive was never my strong suit. 

So many wasted capabilities.  It feels too late to do anything about it.  I don't feel like doing any of it.  I just want to sit in my room and stare at a screen.  Escape from this life that I've come to know.  I can't get rid of it that way.  Nothing to do.  No one to be with.  At the end of the day, I am alone.