You teach me many things.

There are things I've been feeling lately but haven't been able to communicate into words. I feel deeply about many things and sometimes don't know how to interpret them. For nearly all of my adult life I have dealt with a great deal of loneliness. I hide behind feelings of crankiness when really I am fighting feelings of loneliness and get angry about everything around me because I have no control over what is really bothering me. I have found that lately I've become a really angry person. Angry at other drivers, angry at the guy at work who is bossy, angry at my roommate for making loud noises in the shower when I'm trying to sleep, angry because the "system" has failed me and I'm still single, angry because I want to be married so desperately but don't know what is so great about it that I'd want to be married because it doesn't necessarily cure loneliness. Like everyone, I just need to feel loved. There are so many ways I've tried to combat the loneliness but not too many of them work. Eating my feelings has been the primary way of dealing with these emotions for the greater part of my life. Food will be there for you when no one else is. It also consumes you to the point where you cannot do anything else with your life because you're too fat to climb Mt. Timpanogos, no one wants to date you because you don't fit the ideal stereotype of a girl and you don't have enough confidence to go out and find a satisfying career because you have no ambition.

I need the reassurance that even though I do and say crazy things, I will still have a true friend. Today I received that reassurance. In fact, that seems to be the most stable part of our friendship. What I really needed was a good friend to listen. This friend isn't necessarily what I want but really what I need. Someone to help me overcome my insecurities and to heal from the emotional pain of my past. No one ever before has influenced me as much as this friend. Since being friends, I have taken much better care of myself, have lost 35 lbs and intend to lose much more. My awareness of the world around me has grown. I take a much larger interest in doing so many various and wonderful things that are fascinating and curious. I want to learn and do more with my life. This friend has taught me so many things.

You teach me that I'm still a worthwhile person even though I am over dramatic
You teach me to not be afraid
You teach me how to be myself
You teach me that I have it within myself to accomplish great things
You teach me to be passionate about what I believe.
You teach me to how to love